There’s a saying, found on teabags, mostly, that “friendship is a sheltering tree.” It can heal us, to be seen by a peer, to have a relationship built on love, trust, choice, laughter. Especially when you’re young, the world seems insane, and the healthcare system feels built around the concept of fear, lack of information, and loneliness. Jasmine R. and Rayna H. met a few years ago at the Renal Teen Prom and sealed their friendship on the dance floor. Their friendship, if a sheltering tree, is a palm—rooted in California kindness, sunshine, and ever-swaying, shimmying, under the sun.
Both Jasmine and Rayna have dealt with chronic kidney disease (CKD) throughout their lives. Rayna was diagnosed when she was nine, and began to go through chemo shortly afterwards to treat what was attacking her kidneys. She has Wegener’s granulomatosis, a rare blood vessel disorder which has caused her kidneys and lungs to become scarred and damaged. Jasmine was diagnosed before she was even born—and her life has always been about managing her renal disease. She shares, “I always hated the labs and my diet intake—plus all the medication.” The diagnoses for each young woman have felt, throughout their lives, isolating. When Rayna went through chemo, she explains “I only saw boys with no hair and I would cry.” It wasn’t until her first Renal Teen Prom when she saw other girls who’d been through what she’d been through. “It was a beautiful night,” Rayna says softly. That first prom, after which she’d attended three more (this year, the 25th, will be her fifth), found Rayna at a shy moment in her life. She went with her brother who she describes lovingly as “antisocial,” and neither of them got up to dance—until a group of kids, most of them older, grabbed Rayna by the hands yelling “dance with us!” That experience opened her up to the joy of dancing, of music, and she vows that she wants to continue the act of liberation. “I want to do that for people who are there for the first time, who seem shy, who don’t know how to dance.” Jasmine looks forward each year to the dancing on each of her proms too. This will be her fifth or sixth time, she isn’t sure. “One time I started a dance circle,” Jasmine says. “That was really fun.”
The connection that comes from the prom is paramount. “You have this natural bond with people,” shares Jasmine. “They understand the hardship, the sadness, the pain, and happiness when living a life with renal disease.” She goes on, sharing that “most importantly, they show more than just a person with renal disease. Everyone has different, amazing lives, different stories to share. They show that they’ll never let kidney disease stop them from living those lives.” For Rayna, before she attended her first RSN prom, her form of connection with other kids like her was through going to camp. She attended a camp called The Painted Turtle, founded by Paul Newman, that focuses on providing the “chance for kids just to be kids” who are dealing with serious medical conditions. During the summers Rayna attended, she got to go on “small adventures,” as she calls them, and tried out swimming, horseback riding, painting, and dancing. She keeps in touch with one friend and recalls the memories fondly.
When asked to share advice for other young people undergoing medical issues, Rayna harkens back to the importance of friendship. “Find a way to talk to someone, you are not alone in this. Friends will help you cope and they’ll understand you. If you’re going through this, it can be surprising to see you’re not alone.” She acknowledges how sometimes there are other young people going through similar, or sometimes the exact same thing as you. Rayna’s friendship with Jasmine, she shares, is innately positive—if she ever feels down, she can talk to Jasmine, lean on her, get advice or share her frustrations. She champions Jasmine too, checking in on the days she undergoes dialysis.
Jasmine’s experience with dialysis has had its ups and downs—she started back in 2013 and while initially fearful of the experience, she’s learned to make it work for her, especially in leaning into her loved ones. “There is so much support around you,” Jasmine notes. Some days, she sits and works on homework, other days she reads, and sometimes she takes a stroll through the open-ended realm of TikTok. “Dialysis is not the end of the world, people,” Jasmine remarks cheekily. “Yeah, it sucks sometimes, but it doesn’t mean the end. Your kidneys just need a little bit of help, that’s all.” Rayna’s softness compliments Jasmine’s humor. They both can see, with wiseness beyond their years, how important it is to be positive, to find grace in the given situation, and to lean on others for help—and show gratitude for it. There have been definite challenges along the way, including Jasmine losing her kidney transplant at the end of 2022 which she had for four years prior. She shares that losing the transplant was the catalyst for her to fall back into depression, feeling like she “lost a part of me.” Jasmine reflects on her post-transplant life, saying she “felt unstoppable and rarely took care” of herself. She feels as if she took her kidney for granted, and that she knows how important it is to put herself first—to take her medication, to “better” herself. She’s able to hold the frustration and the grief and the hope all at once, something that many grown adults still struggle with. Both girls share a deep wisdom, old souls with shining personalities.
They also share an excitement towards the future. Rayna looks forward to college and focuses intently on her studies. She wants to be a lawyer, and “help people in the ways I’ve needed help.” She wants to stay in California, near her three siblings. Rayna’s the oldest, which explains her calm, mature demeanor. Her siblings and her have a close relationship—she plays with them outside, with toys or video games, they paint together and explore the world. “I really look up to my mom,” Rayna says with pride. “We’ve been through a lot together. She’s always put me first.” Her mom’s even lost jobs because of the appointments she’s taken Rayna on, and in the interim between steady work, sold homemade donuts, empanadas, and cheesecakes to make money.
Jasmine shares Rayna’s desire to help others. She aspires to be a psychiatrist, sharing, “the human mind has always fascinated me—especially the way some humans dream and can never know how the dream relates to anything.” She’s curious, exploratory. Wanting to move out on her own this year, Jasmine shares her excitement about getting two cats, planning to name them Sergeant Paws and Lieutenant Whiskers. In her free time, she loves to journal, read, play board games with her boyfriend, joke around with her father, and take trips to Barnes & Noble to get even more books to feed her curious mind. As much as Rayna looks up to her mom, Jasmine looks up to her favorite music group BTS. “They’ve taught me how to be confident, to believe in myself, to never give up, and to always chase my dreams. Each of the seven members has taught me something.”
For last year’s prom, Rayna and Jasmine scouted prom gowns together at the RSN dress shop and had a blast. The year they met; they had an instant connection: each felt seen by the other. Jasmine shares that she believes she “dragged Rayna to the dance floor,” with “YMCA” playing in the background. And, too, that meeting Rayna changed her life. “We have an understanding.” The girls keep in touch through social media and will hang out in person when possible. “We always send each other cat TikToks,” says Jasmine. “I love talking to Rayna, it’s never a boring convo with her.” Both share how much they look forward to dancing with the other at the Renal Prom. Most likely, Jasmine will start another dance circle, moving and grooving, while Rayna pulls some shy newcomers out of their seats and into the sparkling, glittering world of true friendship they’ve created. Then—to dance the night away.
Maxine Phoenix is a freelance writer and she also volunteers for RSN.
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