I have end-stage renal disease, and I have been on dialysis for over ten years. There’s so much to think about and keep track of when you’re on dialysis. I’m constantly concerned about my liquid intake and how much salt I’m consuming. Am I getting enough protein? Is my potassium too high? Am I getting enough exercise? There are times when I want to throw my hands up and just walk away, but that’s really not an option, at least not for me. Let me tell you how I have come to cope with dialysis. It all has to do with music and my favorite songs.
My dialysis days are Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I always make sure that my headphones and my cell phone are fully charged. I then pick out a playlist that I want to listen to during dialysis. Today’s playlist includes some music from Bruce Springsteen. I put the headphones on and start to jam out to “Born to Run.” This is how I have come to cope with two needles nestled in my arm and a machine that is constantly buzzing and dinging. However, it doesn’t really matter or even bother me, I have Springsteen telling me that I am “born to run.”
My is head is bobbing up and down, the fingers on my free hand are snapping with the beat, and my feet are going back and forth like windshield wipers. I am in another world. I’m not worried about dialysis in the least. I’m on my Harley with my beautiful wife perched behind me. I’m 50 years younger and 40 pounds lighter. I have bulging muscles and a head of long hair that is blowing in the wind as we roll down the freeway. This does not mean that I’m not concerned about my kidney disease, but that I’m enjoying the music in the moment in my mind.
Bruce Springsteen is not the only songwriter/musician that brings me comfort from kidney disease. Take, for instance, Otis Redding’s “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay.” Whenever I hear that song, I jump back 60 years when my brother Joe and I would go to Uncle Freddy’s cabin on Merrimack Lake in Yale, Oklahoma. We were barefoot and wore cut-off jean shorts and t-shirts and we were sitting on the boat dock. We both had our Zebco rods and reels and we’re casting out into the lake for catfish or perch or any other kind of fish that would bite on our hooks. Those were fun days, and I didn’t have a worry in the world or kidney failure or dialysis to bother me. All I had to worry about was catching fish. That’s always a good feeling and something that can be very helpful when you’re trying to combat kidney disease. It’s okay to feel good about your life and whatever ails you. I certainly believe that feeling good about yourself and life in general helps you cope with life’s roadblocks.
Another song that almost brings tears to my eyes is Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World.” That’s the song I danced to with both my daughters at their respective weddings. The lyrics are so beautiful they make me crumble inside.
Music doesn’t make my problems go away; it just helps me cope with them a little bit better. It doesn’t matter if I’m riding a motorcycle or if I’m on Uncle Freddy’s boat dock with my brother Joe or dancing with my beautiful daughters at their weddings, music comforts me, and removes me from the day-to-day grind of kidney disease. It doesn’t mean that I’m not concerned about renal failure. The music just helps me get through another day, another month, and then another year.
My name is Bill Naifeh and I was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I attended Oklahoma State University and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Hotel and Restaurant Administration. I met and married the love of my life, Helen in 1976. We have two daughters and four grandchildren. In 1980, Helen and I opened a bakery/deli, Bill’s Bread Box, in Kingfisher, Oklahoma and operated it for 16 years. When we closed the bakery, I got a teaching certificate and taught Family and Consumer Science and Culinary Arts. I then switched to working in the healthcare industry as a chef and dietary manager. My journey with dialysis began in 2014.
More Essays by Bill Naifeh
Mind Games, 3rd Place Winning Essay, 21st Annual Essay Contest
When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going, Honorable Mention, 20th Annual Essay Contest
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