Comfort. Being comfortable. Finding solace from pain.
A snippet from a song, a line from a movie, a character from a television series, an idea from a book. I’ve met standouts worthy of revisiting in every arena. All providing some degree of comfort in the long-running, scene-filled movie that is my life. Bobby Goren from Law and Order, Crime Scene Investigation makes me smile. I just love his quirky character and enjoy mind-numbing reassurance knowing he will put the bad guy away. Yoda, “Do, or do not. There is no try…” is an all-time winning quote for me. “Mind Your Own Business” as sung by my brother’s band is always welcome in my feel-good arsenal. Rolling through the credits, viewing all the characters involved in my growth as a person, mountains of appreciation and applause pop to the surface.
Hopping around through the clips, slices, and bloopers of my life releases a slurry of emotions. Just like any Oscar-winning movie there’s excitement, fear, amazement, anger, delight, sadness, and surprises. It’s all there and the scenes keep piling up.
Scene 3,754, Take 1: There I am, being diagnosed with kidney disease in November of 1992, shortly after my thirty-fifth birthday. That adds up to 32 years of attending to my diagnosis and all the fun that goes with it.
Learning early on that there’s no cure, I timidly embraced the manageable treatment options for staying alive. Now in my tenth year of living with a second kidney transplant, a feather of concern brushes the periphery of my thoughts often. Is my kidney functioning well today? Good. Another day to notice unintended discoveries.
Jumping back to that day when my dialysis modality failed, that was rough. Tears spilled long and hard as I came to terms with the loss. Rising up, with a book in my hand, I came back from the emotional abyss to dive back into my day to day. This scene of loss has happened scores of times. Sequences of successfully mastering a silly dance move or throwing a family gathering appear as well.
My eyes have absorbed readings from hundreds of books these past sixty-six years and counting. Yet, one stands out over the rest. It was a gift from my older sister Catherine, sent back home with my Mom who had been visiting her over a long weekend: “Every Word Has Power” by Yvonne Oswald. Realizing the power of words in my head, speech, and written word creates positive and powerful ingredients for my overall health and wellness. Learning to welcome the limitless possibilities yields better results overall.
Attending a live musical recently, the oldest actor on stage being twelve years old, tears flowed as soon as the entire cast came parading down the aisle to join the opening scene in progress. All singing, all working together, all moving in sync on that tiny blackened stage at the Kodak Theater in Rochester, New York. While the cast worked toward the demise of young Horton because of his unflinching dedication to a speck of dust, tears kept rolling down my face in fast fashion. What was happening to me? Where were these unfiltered emotions during a children’s theater production coming from? Why was Horton the elephant’s desire to save the community of Whos living in Whoville on his speck of dust bringing me to tears?
I reasoned it must be wanting the underdog to rise in victory against seemingly impossible odds. Rallying up and overcoming the smack of unanticipated consequences. Very much like the life of so many people. Very much like my own life. Many times feeling like the underdog and working through what comes my way by seizing the lifelines of comfort available to me.
I have had my share of seemingly impossible odds and felt the pain of unintended consequences many times over. I’ve also felt successes and been on the receiving end of “Hey, I really appreciate you and all that you are.”
While nothing can compare to the comfort of my head slowly dropping down to my coldish feather pillow, the right words at the right time just might be what encourages me, or anyone, to stay on the trail.
Sixty-six years and counting. Who knows what’s reeling around that next corner.
Sandra Leigh. My birthday is October 1. Celebrating Birthdays is an important part of my world. Collecting family stories is equally important. Other fun activities I jump into are drawing, journaling, planning new adventures, hanging with my nieces & nephew’s, playing with wood and taking early morning walks. I also enjoy sharing (and eating) my homemade baked goods.
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