“Come let me love you, let me give my life to you” is in the opening verse to John Denver’s “Annie’s Song.” Little did I know how much this line would shape my life over the next 44 years.
As an independent 27-year-old I did not believe that true love was a reality. I was like most women in my generation who were working on their education and careers. This changed for me when I met an engineer in the hospital where I worked as a radiology technologist. He was the only man wearing a cowboy hat and boots in the hospital every day. On our first date, he came to pick me up carrying his Takamine guitar. The first song he played for me was “Annie’s Song.” I was enthralled. He could sing! I tell people that that was the night I fell in love with him. This man became my husband a year later.
Over the next 44 years there were the usual daily struggles of raising three children and running a small business. Conflicts arose, as happens in most marriages. Some of them seemed insurmountable. In the darkest times, I would sometimes wonder if it was worth it to stay together and endure the strife. Then I would remember that first song he sang to me and I knew why I fell in love and why I chose this man. The negative feelings were replaced with a sense of well-being and love.
Fast forward to September 2024. After struggling with progressively worsening kidney disease, I had a sudden and acute decline of my kidney function. For many years I had done a moderately vigorous kickboxing workout four times a week and worked hard to stay healthy. With no warning I was unable to walk six feet without extreme shortness of breath and weakness.
Throughout this time my husband was at my side constantly. He became my chauffeur and dialysis partner at the clinic. He cooked meals and prodded me to eat when all I wanted to do was sleep. He held my hand when I shivered during treatments. He reassured me that together we could get through this and this was just a bump in the road. In the times when I was at my deepest despair the words, “Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you” gave me the solace I needed that my husband would be there at my side. He has been my rock through the worst moments of my disease. Coping with kidney disease with your partner beside you makes an intolerable situation tolerable. I knew that whatever happened, we could get through this together.
I made it through that critical time of my kidney disease. I am comfortable with peritoneal dialysis but have opted to convert to home hemodialysis. My husband has assured me that he will be my home partner and we can once again get through it. The words in “Annie’s Song” have always had a special meaning to me as I know he loves me and will always be there for me. I know that if our circumstances were reversed, I would always be there for him too.
As we enter the last phase of our lives, we both know we will be together to the end. During our final kiss for the night, my husband frequently says that my face is the last face he wants to see when he dies. “Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms” is the phrase that played in my heart for 44 years. Through laughter and tears we have been there for each other. “Let me give my life to you” is my life and I feel blessed for it.
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